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Người say yêu Thánh Thể
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My Parents Come Between Us

§ Lệ Vũ

Dear Lệ Vũ, I am a regular reader of your column and saw how you helped others. So I am hoping you could give me some advice on my dilemma. My boyfriend, J. is Caucasian and I am full blooded Vietnamese. He can speak some Vietnamese, very sweet and innocent –an overall great guy. He just turned 19 and is a freshman at a university. I’m 17, a sophomore in high school. He drives home on all weekends to see me, it’s a 2 hour drive.

But my parents are completely against it. They made up all these rules such as we can only see each other once a month. I can’t go anywhere alone with him, he can’t come to church with us anymore. I’m not to go over his house ever again… just to name a few. Why are they acting like he’s a major threat to me? Why are coming between us? We’ve been seeing each other without my parents’ knowledge.

I have my friends to cove up for me. He was hurt at first when I told him what my parents think. He thought that it was because he’s white. I know my parents don’t want me to lose my roots and prefer that I marry a Vietnamese. But I’m not thinking that far yet. I’m just dating, exploring, and having fun right now, seeing who I am most compatible with. They said they don’t want us to get too serious and ruin our lives in the future They’re afraid that I won’t finish high school, and he won’t make it through college, and we’ll have financial problems for the rest of our lives.

I’m a straight A student and if anything, he is helping me keeping those A’s because he is tutoring me in Math. J sent me a dozen roses and a knows where J is leading to, he’s moving too fast and getting too serious. I know I can’t see him behind their back forever. I know I’ll get caught and I’m afraid of the consequences. I’m sick and worried about having to lie my parents about my whereabouts, hiding all the stuff he bought for me, all the pictures we took together, and constantly being paranoid whenever I’m in publish with him. I had to save up my lunch money and movie money to busy his birthday present.

We have a perfectly healthy relationship and it would be much better if my parents would have loosen up. I need some freedom, and should be allowed to make my own choices. J and I set standards and have had deep talks about how far we should go. We agree not to lose control. We’re talked about asking my parents to let us see each other more often, at least twice a month, and we’ll promise to keep it cool. I feel terrible lying and going behind their back, but I don’t want to stop seeing J either. I don’t want to lose my parents trust, lying to them is against my moral rules and everything I’ve been taught, but my parents are being unreasonable controlling, strict, and overprotective of me. I wish they would be more like my friend parents. What can I do to make everyone happy? Xin Lệ Vũ giúp em. Cám ơn Lệ Vũ rất nhiều.

In need of advice in the Southwest.

Đáp: Dear Người Em “In Need of Advice…”

Greeting you with love and blessing from God. Thank you so much for your long letter. So happy to know that you are a regular reader of my column TBB, and I am so proud of you that (at least) you can still read and write in Vietnamese. Keep doing it! Remember that practices make perfect. Do you agree?

My compliments to you and your boy friend because you ae both so good and decent young people in our society today. I firmly believed that you both can be what and you are today because you are both so luckily to have good parents who loved and cared so much for you, not only in the past, the presents who for your future.You are lucky to have parents who are 80 understandable and not prejudice against another race

Although they are not happy that you are dating an American, but they do accept him. And so far they have alowed you both to be friends, and then become “boy friend, girl friend”. Personally I don’t think “your parents come between two of you”, otherwise they would stop and prohibit you to see him a long time ago. They just want the two of you slowly down a little, that’s all!

Your parents are right. You both are moving too fast, too serious and too soon, yes, and you are both too young to be serious like that. Just remember you are only 17, still underage, and He is only 19!! He is not legally to drink alcohol yet. You’re both still depending or your parents almost everything. Just ask yourself this question: Without your parents, what can you both accomplish in life now? Therefore, as long as you still depend on your parents and live in their house, you have to follow their rules. It’s tough, but that’ s the way it is, otherwise everything will turn upside down!!

Sorry I have to disagree with what you thought about your parents. They are strict. Yes, they are protective of you. Yes. But controlled and overdone? No, remember your parents never try to prohibit you seeing. J. They only try to limit you both for moving too fast and getting too serious when you are both not ready yet! You said “you both are agree not to lose control and have a perfect healthy relationship now…”. I have doubt. But in order to maintain. What you have now, you both also need guidance, rules from your parents, otherwise you both would be sorry late.

Please take time, enjoy what you have now and listen to your parents’ s guidance. Remember everything in life is”easy comes, easy goes” even in human relationship, there is no exception! If you want your love last long (and forever), you're better than slowly.

Trust me, if you and J really, really love and want your love last forever, I can guarantee that no one and nothing can stop and separate you. So, why rush and hurry when you have time and chances to enjoy it? Personally I think… wait another 10 years or at least until you’re both finishing college to get serious, you still young and have enough time to catch up. May God bless and keep doing good works. Don’t forget to pray daily.

Lệ Vũ

Đọc nhiều nhất Bản in 19.03.2006. 05:59